Blair Miller > THE SHIT SHOW, Episode 5 & Links
It’s finally here – our NFL Draft 2014 Jerkules Mock Draft Podcast!
No rest for the blunted here at TFQ. We gave our faithful fans Episode 4 of our new podcast, The Shit Show, which was mostly analysis of the NBA playoffs as round 2 was about to get under way. Now, we give you a very detailed analysis of what could/should go down in Round 1 in the NFL Draft.
Some of you will recall that I (head writer Blair Miller, aka Jerkules) consider the NFL Draft my Christmas – the holiday when NFL teams get to see what new presents they get to pluck from under the NCAA tree. Some of you will recall my old Draft Advent Calendar, when I gave analysis on one team for each of the 32 days leading up to the draft, opening up a door on my trusty NFL Advent Calendar each time:
Ooooooh, only two more doors left!!! Whee!
This year we’ve done something different for the draft: combined it with The Shit Show to give you a podcast mock draft.
At the end of this post you can find a list of my mock draft. (I put it at the end, so that those of you who don’t want spoilers while you listen won’t see it, or so that those of you who want to follow along with Count Yorga and I can use it.)
First, we give you some links to references and/or jokes that we make during this episode.
We’ve been using this pic to promote Episode 5, touting me as the Megatron of Mocks:
I’m supposed to be doing the Heisman pose here… Count Yorga thought it was more like a Talk To The Heisman, pose – a shout-out to this classic Simpsons fake commercial for a classic thespian’s show “Talk to The Hand”:
On to some references we make. I like to refer to Jaguars owner Shad Khan as Chaka Khan, the classic funk singer. That’s why I start doing my own rendition of this tune.
At one point during our mock draft, I pause for some gin & juice, saying “think, think, take a drink.” I say that a lot, thanks to one of the most underrated comedy shows ever, Mr. Show. Here’s the line from one of many hilarious skits on the show. Here’s the full skit.
Those of you familiar with What I Saw during the NFL season here at TFQ might recall that I refer to Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald as Cousin Larry, which is a nod to the sitcom Perfect Strangers. Larry Appleton’s cousin is, of course, Balki Bartokomous.
I also mention that Rams QB Sam Bradford is basically held together with duct tape at this point, a la Red Green. Red Green was a Canadian satire of do-it-yourself shows; Red Green would use duct tape to fix any and everything.
That’s about it for references.
Here’s an accompanying list for the Jerkules Mock Draft, followed by a few summarizing thoughts.
|1||Houston||Jadaveon Clowney, South Carolina||DE|
|2||St. Louis(from WAS)||Greg Robinson,Auburn||OT|
|5||Oakland||Mike Evans,Texas A&M||WR|
|6||Atlanta||Jake Matthews,Texas A&M||OT|
|7||Tampa Bay||C.J. Moseley,Alabama||LB|
|9||Buffalo||Eric Ebron,North Carolina||TE|
|10||Detroit||Darqueze Denard,Michigan State||CB|
|11||Tennessee||Justin Gilbert,Oklahoma State||CB|
|12||New York Giants||Zack Martin,Notre Dame||OT|
|13||St. Louis||Johnny Manziel,Texas A&M||QB|
|15||Pittsburgh||Kelvin Benjamin,Florida State||WR|
|18||New York Jets||Odell Beckham,LSU||WR|
|21||Green Bay||Kyle Fuller,Virginia Tech||CB|
|22||Philadelphia||Bradley Roby,Ohio State||CB|
|23||Kansas City||Marquise Lee,USC||WR|
|24||Cincinnati||Timmy Jernigan,Florida State||DT|
|25||San Diego||Lamarcus Joyner,Florida State||CB|
|26||Cleveland(from IND)||Blake Bortles,Central Florida||QB|
|27||New Orleans||Dee Ford,Auburn||DE|
|28||Carolina||Brandin Cooks,Oregon State||WR|
|29||New England||Louis Nix III,Notre Dame||DT|
|30||San Francisco||Ra’Shede Hageman,Minnesota||DT|
I discuss potential teams to make trades during the first round, and why. But I don’t integrate trades into my mock draft. Not many other writers are either, likely because the past few years have seen a somewhat unpredictable shit show of its own in terms of draft trades.
I do, however, take a look at the two teams currently without a selection in Round 1 – Washington and Indianapolis – and what they’re likely to do in Round 2.
A few closing thoughts about the mock:
Offensive line: 7
Wide receiver: 6
Defensive line: 5
Defending BCS champ Florida State and Texas A&M lead the pack with 3 players taken in Round 1.